My face still hates me--I can't follow a whole train of thought because I get distracted from how my sinuses feel like there is AN INVISIBLE GIANT PUSHING ON MY FACE--and today was very lazy. I frittered away a morning re-reading holiday fics (next up: Star Shaped; I would put Lying Next to Me on my list except that it is mine and I wind up skimming bits of it for typos about once a month and the holiday feeling has worn off; I re-read Thereafter You Have It instead, which is technically a Christmas fic because it covers, like, more than a year and THERE IS TOTALLY CHRISTMAS SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE THERE; and of course I include elf!Brendon) and spent the afternoon shopping with Friendiest for Christmas gifts.

Then I came home and fussed at the jewelry I am making for my mother's gift and watched more of The West Wing, which, y'all, all of you who told me that when Sorkin doesn't lose his mind and start writing pure crap (GIP, in honor of this statement) he is a genius? I believe you all the way now. Can I marry C.J.? Or Abby? Or Josh? I'm sure we can get around the part where they are fictional characters.

And then I took a bath with special clogged-sinuses bath salts and started re-reading Rose in Bloom, because Friendiest and I watched Little Women a couple of nights ago and I'm on an Alcott kick. Subtle-as-a-brick moralizing and all, I really kind of love that she was a feminist in her own way and that she thought marriage should be about equal partners and she was trying to make people take their girls out of corsets and eat porridge.

Rambling because, see above, sick: apparently I ramble when I am upset in my mind or in my body, which is news--the body part, I mean, I've always known I ramble when I am upset in the head. Sorry about that.

I would like to especially mention that I love Spencer and Brendon, and I love the people who spent all yesterday and today e-mailing me about college fic and "we"s. I love that I am in a fandom where we do that.
I know this is on your flist ten thousand times.

I don't care EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

(Okay...sorry to the people who neither know nor care who those boys are. But everybody else...I am fully aware you are just glad of the chance to squeal for the ten millionth time.)

ETA: Sorry, y'all, I put the wrong location in the first time
The little *facts* about bandom that can make me smile whenever they pop into my head. Some personal moments, some bits of canon.

--Gerard and Lindsay. Getting married. IN MATCHING UNICORN T-SHIRTS.

--Bronx's lullaby. Duh.

--The look on Zack's face when I explained that you could tell Jon and Spencer apart on my shirt because Spencer has real shoes and Jon has flipflops.

--Jon Walker smells like Christmas, and Spencer Smith enjoys it when he does.

--Bob finding baby!Ray on YouTube

--Greta's story about the violin

--Spencer (and his band) think Prop 8 is total bullshit.

--Shane at Disneyland with Brendon's family for Christmas

--Bestfriend puppy. Just.

--Pete thinks Jennifer Aniston movies are something he needs to apologise for.


--Jon knows Ryan is a vampire.

--Zack's body type is "more to love"

--Brendon should have been in his cage hours ago.

--Zack tells the fangirls that Brendon's hips don't lie

--Spencer's smile

--Bandit Lee. Oh, Ballato-Ways.

--Ryan and Spencer still have mutual birthday parties. With musical cakes.

--Partying with the Cobras means light beer and plastic guitars.

--Pete's unique interpretation of a swearing jar


--Zack plays hockey, and Ryan used to. The mental images!

--Brendon's church-singing pose

--Zack carrying Brendon offstage like a damsel

--Ryan keeps all the teddy bears.

--Jon didn't pack any shoes for like, three tours straight.

--Pear Liberal Studies, bless her. I miss your darling imaginary face, Pear.

--Brendon flipping a sharpie into the air and catching it over and over.

--The fact that Ryan thinks he can fool us into thinking he went to see the Backstreet Boys for Jackie and Crystal. Who were, like, seven at the time.

--Spencer hitting himself in the face and Ryan laughing so hard he lost track of the song

--Brendon's child-of-the-eighties vocabulary. Rad, fr srs.

I know I'm missing some, y'all. C'mon. Get on the internet and tell us all about the awesomest parts of our canon.

ETA: I know it isn't fair, and I'll try not to add any more. But Maple reminded me about that interview where BRENDON'S MOM STILL LOVES HIM. Which is my favorite thing in the world.
Oh, gag, California, I DID NOT NEED THIS TODAY.

I am going to go re-read Spencer's Out interview until I feel better.
My headache is sort of blinding and my everywhere-ache is throbbing but I MUST CARRY ON, so: plans for today are 1) PIZZA, since yesterday the restaurants were closed, 2) a picnic blanket in the field of johnny-jump-ups behind my wee house with 3) notes, assignments, and lecture-recorder (which mostly contains one interview and me babbling to myself about ETW while driving, but whatever) and 4) the books I have to read and write reflective papers on. They also include 5) massive amounts of Advil Sinus and Excedrin, but I am hoping that lots of water and sun will reduce the need for that.

I am going to put on the least possible amount of clothes and soak up the sunshine; if I get all my papers in by Friday AND I WILL, then I will have three days to write my Big Bang in WHICH IS TOTALLY DOABLE, OKAY. (No, actually, it is. I completely wrote two-thirds of Lying Next to Me (~12,000 words) in two days. And I only need ~13,000 on ETW. I don't know whether to be proud or appalled that if I make myself focus, I can totally write that much that fast.)

There is totally a plan. I have lots of time. Everything is coming together. All is well.

...if I repeat it enough it will become true, right?

(Thank heaven for Zack and Spencer being sports-geeky and Brendon singing cereal jingles, that's all I have to say. I swear they got Twitters just to keep me from offing myself in times of stress.)

Look at the pretty picture!

Oh, Shane, we love you.

ETA: Also, I would like it noted that South African accents are my Kryptonite, and if Spencer Smith comes back with one I cannot be held accountable for the part where I steal my father's credit card, fly to California, and wander the streets of L.A. until I see, pounce on, and ravish said drummer.
I have no idea how this happened, but somehow between the two of us my hairdresser and I have arrived at the pretty-lesbian!Spencer haircut I asked her for about four haircuts ago.'s just as flattering as I thought it would be \o?

I was meant to finish ripping audiobooks this morning so that I could take them back to the library (they have to go back today), but I got distracted by [ profile] harriet_vane informing me that Brendon is the youngest of nine and also that Panic performed for Brendon's church when they were still the Summer League. (WHAT?? SERIOUSLY. WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY HAVE PLAYED? DID HE TEACH THEM THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC FOR ELECTRIC GUITAR???...okay, fine, realistically it was probably, like, a talent show where they just had to find a church-appropriate cover they could do. But still. The mind boggles) and [ profile] sunset_mog informing me that the disturbingly Haley-like woman who accompanied Ryan to the VMAs years ago was not Ginger, but in fact a publicist or something like that.

In between this we discussed things like what Brendon's ward must have thought of Ryan and his weird ear-plug thing, baby!fic, and what music Zack is likely to be disgusted by. It was all very, very fun, but I should have been ripping while I e-mailed because now I have nothing to do while I wait for the stupid CDs to finish. I even finished my last Heyer, dammitall, and have nothing to read.

So exactly one year ago today, I announced to the world that I knew which one wore flipflops, and therefore I possibly needed to be smacked with a ruler.

As I told [ profile] liketheroad when she did an end-of-the-year meme, every time I did one, all my answers ended up being, "bandom bandom bandom boys bandom friends bandom stories bandom bandom bandom." So I decided to do an end of the year review on my bandomversary instead.

This has been the most...incredible year. I have learned that Zack is my favorite, that Spencer in a beard is the prettiest thing on the earth, that all of My Chem are enormous dorks, that Brendon and cuddles are the surest way to touch my heart. I have learned that I am head-over-heels for Greta Salpeter, and that I love her band's sound.

I have found a muse that makes me want to write and write and writewritewrite--do you know I have posted NINE fics this year, and have fourteen in progress? The year before I posted two.

More--MOST OF ALL--I have found the most incredible friends. I have people whose days I can make brighter with a single LJ comment, and who return the favour. I have people who listen to me cry. I have discovered that one of my favorite people in the whole damn world lives in New Zealand--how would I ever have discovered that if we weren't both fathoms-deep in love with Panic at the Disco? How would I ever have written anything without [ profile] harriet_vane filling my head with bunnies and [ profile] liketheroad squeeing at me until they were all written? All of you have listened to me and laughed with me and squealed with me, and I'm so incredibly touched and honoured and lucky to have you in my life.

So I want to say thanks:

Thanks to Skids, who made me read it.

Thanks to [ profile] emilyray, [ profile] sociofemme, and [ profile] calathea, for loving bandom in public so that I let her make me read it, since I knew they had good taste.

Thanks to all my pre-bandom friends, who didn't hit me with rulers, and who have stuck by me despite my tendency to flail over tiny ridiculous boys.

Thanks to Panic, the Hushies, MCR, FOB, and all the others for existing, for being themselves, for their music and their lives and their ridiculousness.

But most especially, thanks to all of YOU, whom I've met through our mutual insane love of these people, for being awesome friends, and for being yourselves--the girls I've come to love, adore, and positively cherish in this past year.

It's been an incredible trip for that girl a year back eying Ryan's makeup with faint alarm and telling her friend that she was sure these boys were very nice, they just weren't her type. I know she mocked and rolled her eyes and turned up her nose. I'm absolutely positive she never dreamed she'd arrive in a place where she adored this band so much she saw them perform three times in four months.

Thank god for awesome fic, that made her change her mind. Thank god for ridiculous boys, who made her fall for them. Thank god for the world's most amazing friends, who welcomed her right on in.

Thank god for bandom. It's been an awesome year.

[ profile] redorchids has made me absolutely beautiful fanart as an appreciation gift for one of my fics, and it is just about the loveliest thing I've ever seen.

Spencer is Sunshine


Spencer, if you will let it keep growing I will throw a party.

Also, Brendon, your hat fills me with joy. Even more so if, as I suspect, you borrowed it from Ryan.

Party with the Cobras=Light Beer and Plastic Guitars; dude, I love our boys )
I don't care how pathetic it is, Panic at the Disco are capable of making me feel like my whole life is sunshine and joy.

Suddenly, my failures are less painful, my shame is less humiliating, my urgent heavy workload is lighter and less frightening.


They fill me with JOY AND LOVE, with their falling over and shiny, shiny grins and bumpy pelvises and SYNCHRONISED DANCING WTF YOU FAILBOATS I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE

P.S. Spencer Smith, if you keep smiling like that I will forgive you the mustache, I won't be able to help myself. That grin makes even the mustache sexy.

I knew I recognised his face from the "balancing Zack" story from somewhere! It's from when people ask them what "Nine in the Afternoon" means!

He was HIGH.


It explains SO MUCH.
I totally get what people are talking about with the post-show adrenaline thing now. I'm euphoric and jittering and I feel like I could climb a mountain or proclaim my love to the world.

And I wasn't even performing.

Y'all, Brendon was in such a good mood. He was just glowing and bouncing all over the damn stage. I kept trying to pay attention to the others, too, but he just sucked up all my energy tonight and fed it back into me like an IV of pure joy.

The pictures they put on the screen in the background are really beautifully chosen, but again? Mostly, I was watching Brendon. Boy was on fire.

Also, the sexiness of Spencer drumming is hardly affected at all by his mustache. I totally still wanted to be thrown over the kick drum and ravished.

Ryan continues to be less British, which pleases me immensely, and the side-view screens caught a shot of Jon playing up to Spencer with an expression of bliss.

(Between what Zack said, not all of which will make it into this journal, and the reaction of the crowd, I think the boys are having a little trouble this tour--people aren't as excited to see them, they can't sing back (srsly, mostly? people sang 9itA, Day Met the Night and songs off Fever), and sometimes they LEAVE after Dashboard Confessional. Zack delayed the meet 'n' greet to round up extra fans, beyond those who'd actually won the drawing. The boys sang more Fever songs than I've seen them perform, and cut out such crowd classics as "waves of wooden legs", presumably because they knew nobody would know them...I swear, on Mad as Rabbits, I was one of maybe three people singing along. People mostly just stood there and stared during songs like "She's a Handsome Woman," where nobody knows what Ryan thinks he is talking about. There were people in the merch line who didn't know the "Reinvent Love" merch design was for Panic!

So, you know. When you go? Be REALLY LOUDLY FANGIRLY.)

OH! ETA: The Cab? Hardly failed AT ALL last night. Even Singer. Even Cash. I was kinda disappointed, I promised the baby bro he would find them hilarious. However, I kinda hope they do get big, because when Dashboard pulled Ian up to play with them he kept doing the signature Cab Bounce, and I think he may have been irreparably damaged so that he can't help it anymore.

--Spencer says his mustache is because Zack is growing his beard in, so Spence decided to shave his off. Balance. Personally I still think this is a cover for the bet he lost, and you will not convince me otherwise

--relatedly, in giving the DBC speech, Zack stopped and corrected himself--wait, Spencer doesn't have a beard anymore, he has a "wierd little mustache thing"--my sentiments exactly, Zack.

--however, I will say it's not as bad in person and when he's had enough sleep so he can look out through his eyelids

--Bden's applebottom is round and firm and tight. Zack promises. (!!!!!!!!) (ot3 of shame ftw)

--Zack was two cookies in before he realised they were full of hair

--There IS a don't be creepy reason for only using their sharpies; Zack didn't elaborate and frankly I'm not sure I wanted him to; urgh

-- the new keyboardist is Adrian and he uses the phrase "broke my face"

-- I spoke sensible English and remembered to ask Spencer about the shave and give Brendon his card; I forgot to tell Ryan I like the blog, tell anybody I'm excited for the new album, or look semi-sane in the picture. But I didn't tell Spencer his mustache makes me sad, so on the whole I think I win

--Zack wouldn't let me film, sorry!

--we need a bandom version of fiddlesticks; I spent most of our ridiculously long wait with an awesome girl my own age who clearly knew ALL about them, but I couldn't quite make myself ask her if she has an OTP

--this tour is very BADLY organized and Zack said so; watch out, y'all, I predict his mood will only grow worse the more he has to deal with it (he was awesome once we were past all the enormous problems caused by the venue etc, but MAN he was pissy up to then)
With [ profile] shihadchick's encouragement, I am drawing a new Panic drawing for them to autograph for me, because I am that kind of geek.

I'm kind of terrified of the M&G now, though, because the words "Spencer's mustache makes me sad" will come out of my mouth. I don't even know exactly how my babble will get to that point, but I have faith. My mouth is that kind of mouth.

...maybe I should pretend to be deaf-mute and write them ALL thank-you notes.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, however, I finally have a favorite boy as well as a favorite band member! Sorry, Spencer, you are no longer tied for first-place boy. Not until it grows back. Brendon, congratulations.

Zack is still my FAAAAAAVORITE, though. *goes back to staring at her desktop photo of Zack and a teeny tiny itty bitty dogling*




Just in case someone on my flist has not had their eyes violated yet )

However, Ryan's coat, Jon's...Jonness...and Brendon's eyebrows make up for a lot.



Sep. 11th, 2008 06:57 am

The Rock Band Tour (not just Vegas) M&G Drawings form has gone up! I don't know whether it was a failure on the part of my e-mail or on the part of the Northern Downpour site or what, but I didn't receive notification and I figured if I hadn't, you might not have either.

It's the third entry down on the news as you log in. Apparently it's long odds this time round, but it's still worth a try--I promise it's fun! You get to hear Zack's speech! And...well, okay, in my case, meet Spencer Smith's eyes and forget how to speak and completely FAIL AS A HUMAN BEING, but maybe you'll be better at this than I am, and you can have a little mini-conversation with our boys!



April 2017



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