Bad things about today:

- Woke up feeling like crap. Coughing, brow- and cheekbones solid block of pain, throat sore, aching aaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll over.

- Suddenly realised I mixed up my drawn_to deadline with a different Important Date; have four days less to finish than I thought I did. Heh.

- My stereo has died

- My computer's disc drive is now refusing to work

- The job I thought I did so INCREDIBLY WELL in the interview for? Were supposed to call me yesterday. Did not call me yesterday. Which means A) I have to call them on Monday and B) I probably did not get the job. (I should stop tempting fate.)

- Weather prevented Talkative and Greekboy from coming up to play this weekend

Good things about today:

+ Saw a young!Patrick twin--including belly and a hat!--at the store while purchasing enough decongestant and Vaporub to choke a beluga

+ Appointment to play with Friendiest later today (even though probably I will wuss out and say, "Come drink hot chocolate and watch chick flicks, I have no energy", still, FRIENDIEST!!! I miss her)

+ ...that's it, actually. *sigh*

Bring on the medication and WriteorDie! I can power through this!
How do all the models and Navy wives and people get illegal prescription drugs on shows like Castle and NCIS?

Do you think you need contacts?

Do you think I could find contacts?

How does one make contacts?

Is shooting your contact when s/he tries to blackmail you a requirement?

I would kill for a muscle relaxant right now, is what I'm trying to tell you.

I keep trying to schoolwork, because it needs doing, but I'm tired. There are other things I could be--should be--doing as well, editing for friends and writing, for an exchange and for friends and just for my own self, dammit, has to come first. But school is so boring that I can't focus on it in the face of being tired.

It's not that I don't love my classes--I still do, PROMISE--but the papers have always been the part I could live without and there are so many and I hate them. Also, writing my emotional response to each chapter of this book is the stupidest thing ever.

Okay, does ANYONE have any suggestions for pulled muscles besides heat and Tylenol? Normally when this happens I have my mother's stash of muscle relaxants to fall back on, but I am at school and also about to cry. Can't sit up, can't stand, can't walk, can't lie down, can't think and I have papers to write!

Is there an over-the-counter remedy any of you would recommend? I've tried rubbing it with massage oil as well as I can--it's kind of an awkward spot--my damn bathtub won't stay full enough to soak and I have no access to an actual hot tub. Are there better or more muscle-specific painkillers? Something not prescription-grade I can take to relax the muscles? A magical fairy I can conjure with a spell?

Help, plz?
I hate how adapting my resume to appeal to offices and retail places means CUTTING MORE THAN HALF OF IT OUT.

I have a very specialized skill set. It's not that part of that skill set isn't transferable--multitasking, organization, communication, etc.--it's just that I have so much MORE to offer a childcare position. There's no point in telling somebody who wants a secretary that I aced my Teaching Art and Music class, for example.

Tonight, I stepped on a two-inch piece of steel and drove it entirely under the surface of my skin so that there was nothing for my tweezers to grab. I couldn't walk--I could barely limp completely on the other side of my foot without going all dizzy and falling over.

There was nowhere to go but the E.R. because nowhere else was OPEN at ten o'clock on a Sunday night (idiocy). I would gladly have gone to anybody with a needle, some basic drugs, a tetanus inoculation, and a scalpel, but to the E.R. I went because, well, I needed to walk and sleep, what with the exam I can't miss tomorrow.

So I drove to the hospital with my left foot, and spent considerable time trying to find the E. R. entrance (mental note: along with needing to find a grocery store, post office, bank when you move to a new town, find the E.R., just to avoid having to search for it through a haze of pain. You idiot.) I am covered in Band-Aids (exaggeration: 2) and wearing a hospital bracelet (not an exaggeration, but an idiocy) and very weary of healthcare in the United States, where there was apparently one doctor in the E.R. for the entire night shift. Which means that the guy ahead of me with a serious injury getting treated first--which is TOTALLY OKAY WITH ME, please do the serious injuries first!--meant I sat in a cold room for four hours in order to have a procedure that took ten minutes, tops, including waiting for the local to kick in.

If I can't walk tomorrow morning I am going to be extremely cranky about it.
Fulfilling another "diversity" requirement by taking a class in Native American culture; our final (group, bleh) project is a presentation to our "tribal elders"--two *white* professors--a plan to improve conditions that can be universally applied to all tribes, in all places. We are not presenting these plans as white people ourselves, but as Indigenous Natives (or whatever the hell the current correct term is, sorry, my professors can't seem to make up their minds.)

It's Racefail all over again.

ALSO: despite the fact that the point of the entire class is to make us respectful, our professor just told us about a time a member of a native culture shared some mythology with her, calling it a "cute little story."

Y'all, I am so ill right now.

We've cycled back around to the Bad Female Times, and I ache all over and am throwing up. As a side note, I have decided to catch a cold which has stuffed up my head and given me a mild fever.

I don't have TIME for this! I have fic to write! I have papers due! I have to teach a class full of eight-year-olds about the joys of tissue paper collage! I can barely walk through my room! I have laundry!

This is NOT THE TIME for me to be having trouble sitting up enough to throw up in a bowl instead of on myself, okay? It's not.

Somebody needs to figure out how this stick with a star on the end of it works, because I can't, and I'm pretty sure magic is the only answer. Where's a fairy godmother when you need her?

*mildly traumatized*
Stupid weather changes. Stupid arthritis.


This always waits to happen until I have a big paper due. WHY IS THAT?
I have just epically flunked my stats exam. And I mean epically. Fully half the test I sat staring at for an hour and finally had to leave blank. I knew the information! I have been studying my head off. And YET! I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS. ALL THE EQUATIONS FELL OUT OF MY HEAD.

Possibly the fact that I have been either avoiding sleep to study or too panicked about the part where I didn't understand what I was studying to sleep well enters into this.


AAAAAAArgh. *flops over dead, weakly*

It's too late to fuss about it now, I suppose. EPIC FAILURE IS EPIC, AND ALSO IRREVERSIBLE.

I am going to sulk in the bathtub with fake wine, and then go poke my Ginger story and my Mating Dance story until something makes me feel better about myself.
4:30 AM

FOOD POISONING on top of everything else

Somebody shoot me?
To be without good internet AND sicksicksick (apparently? I should have stuck to my not-cooking-meat plan. I expect the schools to call me demanding why the parents left these innocent, very ill children in my care at any moment) AND unable to escape work this afternoon is unreasonably unfair. God knows I will probably show up only to spend all my time begging them to send me home, but I cannot call in sick because a) we are already short this week and b) next week is my Week of Awesome and their week of No Ms. Lu To Be Sane For Us Sadface, which started out as a three-day weekend and then (due to new events suddenly being scheduled at the same time) expanded to be seven days long. (A day at a time. I would not blame my director for hating me a little bit.)

I still have to somehow manage to drive home without pulling over to be sick on the side of the road because I forgot that I would need work uniforms and food I can eat (this NEVER USED TO BE A PROBLEM.)

I have to manage this before work time.

Ugh. Food poisoning BAD.
You know what I just discovered?

As excited as I get when I walk out of work at six-thirty and it's still light outside, I am considerably less pleased by waking an hour before I have to get up and it being light outside.

It's an hour before I have to get up, but I can't fight the adrenaline rush of thinking the alarm didn't go off.

No, apparently not even when I was up until three because I couldn't "put down" the novel I'm proofing for a friend of mine. Why are all my friends good writers?

On the other friends are good writers, y'all. And the fact that somebody wrote that book I just finished reading? Kind of makes the world a better place. *G*
I went to class for the first time this semester tonight.

I'm exhausted now (avoiding panic dizziness + focusing on learning + stress of peoplestrangepeoplebadbad=very wearing), and sleeeeeeeeepy, but I can't quite drift off because the tension in my shoulders is so bad. (Seriously, they creep up on themselves and tie the muscles in knots).

I feel this is the moment to write a long and beatific ode to the bean-pillow microwave heating thingamajigger, and the magic of Tylenol. Between the two, I can actually move my shoulders halfway to where they should be, and may be capable of lying down flat and in bearable amounts of pain shortly.

Sometimes modernity's "little luxuries" are the best things about living in this crazy, messed-up world.
This morning was less than auspicious.

I still don't have a key, and the girl who does have one was late, so I had to sit out in my car till she got there. (The heater kicked in two minutes before she showed up, natch.)

Everybody's mom had to work early, so we had twenty "big kids" and five infants before eight o'clock in the morning.

Then one of the three-yos stood on one end of the snack cart and it tilted up, dropping a gallon of apple juice to the floor, bumping his head, and drenching two other children.

Then the other teacher who was supposed to have taken over from me ten minutes previously came in, promised to handle snack so I could do clean-up, and promptly disappeared for a further ten minutes.

Then one of the children threw a hissy fit over what was available for snack.

I got out of there and the song playing on the radio was "If you're going through Hell, keep on going!" immediately followed by "It's Five O'Clock Somewhere."

I sat at a traffic light and laughed till I nearly cried.

In other news I had a dream about a rape attempt last night (unsurprising, as Soulmate and I were discussing crimes against women in the media yesterday) but dream-me broke his nose and called the police. I'm proud of my subconscious.

...I hate my job.

I love my work. I love my work. I love my kids, and I love what I do for and with them.

I HATE MY JOB. I hate incompetent management, I hate impractical and idiotic curriculuum.

Know what I really hate, though?


What are we going to do?

I ask you, what the hell are we going to do?

Also, I pulled a muscle in my back. I cannot bend over without pain. CAN YOU GUESS HOW MUCH FUN I'LL BE HAVING WITH THE CLASS OF TWO-YEAR-OLD KIDS TOMORROW?

Had to cancel the date, as currently bright colors=blinding pain and we were going to an art museum.

As I told Ady last night, if I am inheriting my mum's fibromialgia and/or migraines, the God Of DNA will be hearing from me. And I will be holding several sharp objects when I ring the doorbell.

Ow. Ow. Ow.
I feel like crap.

I'm stiff from head to toe.

I have the worst headache I've had since the migraine that made me stay home from church in January. It's been building gradually all day and hit a peak at work during the last ten minutes. I had spent the last hour begging the kids to talk softly, as really it felt horrible, horrible. And one child saw his mom and shrieked MOMMY! at the top of his lungs. Three inches from my ear.

I cried. It was one of those white-hot spears of pain thrusting and throbbing through my head. By the time it died down, I was white and everyone was looking at me funny and telling me I shouldn't drive home. (Couldn't anyway. The parents have entrusted my car to my little brother. Who has already wrecked three cars. Am I happy about this? Guess.)

I took a hot bath and some painkillers when I got home, so I feel a bit better--but the funny thing? I couldn't hold my head up before--the back of my neck was so cramped that I was walking a little hunched all day. Now I've soaked that out, I can't seem to keep it from lolling backwards.

I wanted to spend tonight RPing--oh, you guys, I haven't even told you, I'm in a new RPG and it is awesome, the people are so wonderful, it makes me want to cry with happiness--and finishing the Fic My Muse Likes. But between the not-being-able-to-control-my-neck thing and the pain thing I am kind of thinking I will take a muscle relaxant (half a muscle relaxant--my sensitivity to the things isn't to be believed) and go to Bed.

Oh, Lord. I promised to go on a date tomorrow. I really hope I feel better by then. *collapses*
I'm tired. And lethargic. Between vacations, dizziness, and the one week I get with my best friend before she goes back to college to work her summer job, I haven't been to the gym in almost a month and I can tell--I feel like crap.

On the other hand, I've had my best friend for almost a week and I get two more days and so YAY!!!

I am excruciatingly behind on my flist-reading, so apologies and I will be catching up as of Sunday. If you urgently need me to know something or want my advice or snuggles, you can comment here or send me an e-mail: elucreh @



April 2017



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