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Dec. 9th, 2007 05:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elucrehBetween the fact that Common Knowledge, my epic J-squared fic, is finally up and unalterable and stuff, and the amazingly kind feedback I have been getting, I want to talk a little bit about the experience. Mostly to articulate the stuff in my own head.
First of all--I finally get those people who write sequels and spinoffs of one big 'verse. (Not, those of you who are on my flist, that I am protesting. AT ALL. I love them. Please never stop.) There was so much I knew about what was going on that I had to leave out.
In what I was originally writing, Jensen was a lot more obvious that he was wanting Jared. He was sort of quietly and matter-of-factly pining, in fact. But in the end? CK is Jared's story, Jared's epiphany and conflict, and Jensen's angst didn't have a place in it. So I cut down the Jensen PoV bits to his conscious mind, and the only hints are subtle...every Jensen PoV section, there is a mention of Jared's huge hands (nobody in love with Jay could be unappreciative of those hands, I am firmly persuaded); in all of the could-be moments, Jensen is very still, waiting for Jared to make a move; and in that closet...I spent two days trying to figure out a way to phrase that Jensen was hoping that Jared wanted him, but didn't want to make the wrong move in case he was wrong. (I finally just carefully didn't say anything, as in many other places, but oh how I wanted to say more.)
And Rachel--I know Rachel so well. She's a bizarre conglomeration of several fans. And she's totally seekritly![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
j24eva--who played the guitar for the Ballad at the con! There was this scene--I had to cut it, it didn't fit the flow--where Jared found this out. I may still write the idea I had about Sandy taking her girlfriends out to mourn her relationship and letting it slip about Jared-wanting-Jensen, and Rachel either dying inside or squeaking or falling off her chair. She was very respectful of Jared's right to privacy, and no matter how much she loved her online friends she didn't post anything about what she could hear through the walls when he stayed over with Sandy, and she never did get online and say, "Hey, he broke up with Sandy for Jensen!", but OH HOW SHE WANTED TO. She never even told anybody who her roommate's bf was, and I am as proud of her for that as if she were real.
It's very surreal to me, to have so much to say and not actually say all of it. As some of you may recall, this fic is three times longer than anything I've ever before written, and I discovered what some of you have told me before...the longer your story is, the more you've got to say about it. I think it's a cool lesson to learn, and I may actually try Nano again next year, bearing that in mind.
And as for the response: well, part of me is still flailing about all the authors I love coming and saying nice things about my fic. They're referred to in so many ways, and I re-read them all the time, and part of me is just six years old and hugging herself.
All the comments have been sweet, which I appreciate so much, and I'm so incredibly glad that some people have detected what I wasn't wholly aware of myself until it was done and I re-read it...Common Knowledge is my love letter to this fandom. It was written before this recent wank storm season came upon us, but I'm glad in a lot of ways that between my neuroses and Ren's computer problems, it didn't get posted until now. We've been incredibly bitchy and in-fighty lately--I'm aware of it, and I never click on wank links!--but I got to post my fic that says, "Look, we're all awesome. We love them and they love each other and those are the things that count, really." I know wank happens, but I'm glad I got to say how much I adore this fandom, where the BNFs are happy to beta fics by newbies *snuggles Ren, especially* and the stars are so pretty and so very much in love.
First of all--I finally get those people who write sequels and spinoffs of one big 'verse. (Not, those of you who are on my flist, that I am protesting. AT ALL. I love them. Please never stop.) There was so much I knew about what was going on that I had to leave out.
In what I was originally writing, Jensen was a lot more obvious that he was wanting Jared. He was sort of quietly and matter-of-factly pining, in fact. But in the end? CK is Jared's story, Jared's epiphany and conflict, and Jensen's angst didn't have a place in it. So I cut down the Jensen PoV bits to his conscious mind, and the only hints are subtle...every Jensen PoV section, there is a mention of Jared's huge hands (nobody in love with Jay could be unappreciative of those hands, I am firmly persuaded); in all of the could-be moments, Jensen is very still, waiting for Jared to make a move; and in that closet...I spent two days trying to figure out a way to phrase that Jensen was hoping that Jared wanted him, but didn't want to make the wrong move in case he was wrong. (I finally just carefully didn't say anything, as in many other places, but oh how I wanted to say more.)
And Rachel--I know Rachel so well. She's a bizarre conglomeration of several fans. And she's totally seekritly
j24eva--who played the guitar for the Ballad at the con! There was this scene--I had to cut it, it didn't fit the flow--where Jared found this out. I may still write the idea I had about Sandy taking her girlfriends out to mourn her relationship and letting it slip about Jared-wanting-Jensen, and Rachel either dying inside or squeaking or falling off her chair. She was very respectful of Jared's right to privacy, and no matter how much she loved her online friends she didn't post anything about what she could hear through the walls when he stayed over with Sandy, and she never did get online and say, "Hey, he broke up with Sandy for Jensen!", but OH HOW SHE WANTED TO. She never even told anybody who her roommate's bf was, and I am as proud of her for that as if she were real. It's very surreal to me, to have so much to say and not actually say all of it. As some of you may recall, this fic is three times longer than anything I've ever before written, and I discovered what some of you have told me before...the longer your story is, the more you've got to say about it. I think it's a cool lesson to learn, and I may actually try Nano again next year, bearing that in mind.
And as for the response: well, part of me is still flailing about all the authors I love coming and saying nice things about my fic. They're referred to in so many ways, and I re-read them all the time, and part of me is just six years old and hugging herself.
All the comments have been sweet, which I appreciate so much, and I'm so incredibly glad that some people have detected what I wasn't wholly aware of myself until it was done and I re-read it...Common Knowledge is my love letter to this fandom. It was written before this recent wank storm season came upon us, but I'm glad in a lot of ways that between my neuroses and Ren's computer problems, it didn't get posted until now. We've been incredibly bitchy and in-fighty lately--I'm aware of it, and I never click on wank links!--but I got to post my fic that says, "Look, we're all awesome. We love them and they love each other and those are the things that count, really." I know wank happens, but I'm glad I got to say how much I adore this fandom, where the BNFs are happy to beta fics by newbies *snuggles Ren, especially* and the stars are so pretty and so very much in love.