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Oct. 12th, 2004 11:03 am*sigh* Last night there was a fight. Like all the other fights since I moved back into this house, it went so:
1) fight with Mom
2) fight with both of them, but primarily Dad
3) Mom and Dad fight with each other, but me present and the topic of discussion
4) Dad storms off muttering, Mom contrives to put all the blame on me
5) Angry LJ entry
Dumb LJ erased the whole thing, and if I typed it all out again I might lose it completely, but suffice it to say:
I AM moving out of this house. As soon as is humanly possible.
My father is being patronizing and STILL managing to shriek at top volume. This takes talent. I have a deep desire to beat him over the head repeatedly with a heavy iron pan. He told me that he's trying to be positively reinforcing, but can't find anything to positively reinforce. There was more of the rant on that topic, but I'll keep it to myself as I have to get to work.
My mother is going through one of her phases when she demands that she come FIRST in my life. And I'm sorry, but she doesn't. She can't have a conversation with me without making me feel either guilty or hypocritical (she insults me, my friends, my tastes, my beliefs about what's right, and/or all of the above, I defend them, I'm a horrible daughter and I hate her blahblahblah, or else I don't defend them and...well). If she wants to have my confidence she can damned well try actually listening instead of spending all our conversations picking apart everything about me.
And they've been reading self-help books again. I am completely mystified by their confidence in the things when EVERY SINGLE TIME they've tried the things in the past, they've backfired.
1) fight with Mom
2) fight with both of them, but primarily Dad
3) Mom and Dad fight with each other, but me present and the topic of discussion
4) Dad storms off muttering, Mom contrives to put all the blame on me
5) Angry LJ entry
Dumb LJ erased the whole thing, and if I typed it all out again I might lose it completely, but suffice it to say:
I AM moving out of this house. As soon as is humanly possible.
My father is being patronizing and STILL managing to shriek at top volume. This takes talent. I have a deep desire to beat him over the head repeatedly with a heavy iron pan. He told me that he's trying to be positively reinforcing, but can't find anything to positively reinforce. There was more of the rant on that topic, but I'll keep it to myself as I have to get to work.
My mother is going through one of her phases when she demands that she come FIRST in my life. And I'm sorry, but she doesn't. She can't have a conversation with me without making me feel either guilty or hypocritical (she insults me, my friends, my tastes, my beliefs about what's right, and/or all of the above, I defend them, I'm a horrible daughter and I hate her blahblahblah, or else I don't defend them and...well). If she wants to have my confidence she can damned well try actually listening instead of spending all our conversations picking apart everything about me.
And they've been reading self-help books again. I am completely mystified by their confidence in the things when EVERY SINGLE TIME they've tried the things in the past, they've backfired.